i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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