there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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