I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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