Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
