last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
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