And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
