my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
