Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
