Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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