ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize