wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
