If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I cannot find my penis.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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