I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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