1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
