He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
