So drunk its hurt
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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