My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
