I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
