don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
