I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
