So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
