your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
