Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
