how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Fuck appropriateness.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
