i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Randomize
