that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
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