but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
