Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
