update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
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Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
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Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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