no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
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Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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