a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
