We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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