I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
