OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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