I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize