Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Randomize
