So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
