the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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