I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I didn't notice because vodka
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
