I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
