Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
