I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
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I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
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I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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