Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
