96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
