I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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