And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
