what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
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You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
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His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize