If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
As shirtless as possible
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
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