those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
