I wish I could teleport
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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