She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Randomize
