I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
