On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
