I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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