how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
