Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I didn't notice because vodka
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
