Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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