erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Randomize
