first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
we're so committed to being not committed
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