I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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