Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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