dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize