So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
