i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Randomize
