Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
