xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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